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Introduction

Howdy!

Time slows down for a handful of events in life.

Death is one of them.

We ask questions during crisis and find clarity later.

This book is the story of the year where everything fell apart.

And had to be put back together.

It was a year of much reflection and writing.

Of countless conversations with friends and family. I talked with colleagues and business partners, and anyone who would listen.

The whirlwind of insanity going around in my head was a jumbled mess of unresolved questions that led to more questions.

I’m forever grateful for the conversations with my daughter, Maddie, as we traveled together on planes, trains, and automobiles to attend events that spring and summer.

Her probing and unpacking, pushing for meaning and clarity, helped me untangle the knots and really connect the dots.

This book would be incomplete and rather boring if it were only my voice coming from the pages.

The chapters that follow are primarily me (Erik) sharing a few stories from my past that connect to these Four Words, complete with my 50‑year‑old perspective and some lessons learned.

At the end of each chapter are insights and questions to ponder from Maddie and her 20‑year‑old perspective.

At some point that summer, we realized we had something in common (besides having the same last name).

Even though we are obviously from different generations, the big questions in life that we were both asking (the ones that keep us up at night) were surprisingly the same:

For anyone who has managed to function well for a long time and recognizes that management isn’t the problem, productivity isn’t the missing ingredient, and more controls aren’t the answer, this book is for you!

Please no more quick-fixes and tips, tricks, and techniques!

You won’t find any of that stuff in here.

The stories in this book are real.

The reflections are raw.

May you find hope, encouragement, and most of all LOVE.

Preface

The Four Words

For a long time, I thought I had it figured out.

Not life exactly, but certainly how to move through it. How to make stuff happen and how to keep it all together.

How to more than just get by.

I’m not saying I created some ground-breaking system or brilliant framework. It’s more like I discovered something of great value, a lost treasure chest containing timeless truth.

It started with three simple verbs: BE, DO, and HAVE.

The order was important. The words are a progression:

In my head, the Three Words were beautifully connected:

Simple, right?

Clear. Concise. Logical.

Underneath the fun wordplay and creative metaphors in every program and practice I saw were those same Three Words:

As I was sharing this with Maddie, I drew a few “napkin sketches” to help show and tell. Here’s the first one:

Hard work and discipline are the keys to success.

Success is measured by accumulation.

Yup, the formula checks out.

Until it doesn’t.

Until you wake up one day and realize you’re exhausted and surrounded by noise with a to-do list a mile long that you couldn’t care less about.

And you wonder what the heck any of it means and why any of it matters anyway. Something was missing.

What about generosity and helping people?

What about legacy and impact?

There must be fourth word.

Another verb.

GIVE.

There is no separating BE and DO. The real question on GIVE was: did it go before or after HAVE?

Option A - tack GIVE on to the end:

That aligns with the stories of early 20th century philanthropists:

Yup. Good stuff, I thought. That’s logical.

After all, who can GIVE something they don’t first HAVE?

On the other hand …

Option B - put GIVE in the middle:

Hmmm. That’s different.

And yet, the wealthy people I personally know have a track record of generosity that started in their early days, before the fame and fortune.

That was pretty compelling, because they’re not just characters in a book, but real people I have spent time with across the years and in some cases decades.

A spirited debate went on in my mind and on whiteboards.

Does Option A make more sense

Or was it Option B

In the end, Option B won out. Mainly because I could not separate it from the first two words, BE and DO.

GIVE is not an afterthought or an add-on.

It’s the natural extension of our Identity to Actions to Impact:

When our actions (DO) are connected to our passions (BE), the result is an unforced, outward-flowing, positive impact (GIVE).

Unforced. Natural. Flowing.

The Words resonated more as a quartet than a trio. It was at this point that I really thought I had something.

And so for many years, it was settled.

The Four Words, in proper sequence, were:

Here’s the updated napkin sketch:

That was fine, until the year where everything changed.

Chapter 1

Jellyfish!

Summer ~1980: Corpus Christi

It was 1980-something, in Corpus Christi, Texas, with a condo on the beach. We had driven down from Dallas for what was destined to be the most incredible vacation ever.

I love the ocean. My sister was too young to go in the water, so she and my dad played in the sand.

My mom and I were in the waves, trying to body surf. I wasn’t very good at it, as I recall. We were splashing about and having a great time trying not to drink half of the Gulf of Mexico.

And then I remember something strange.

A warm sensation, first on my leg.

Then it was my arm.

Then my back.

Before long, my entire body was on fire.

I looked over at my mom. I was starting to freak out.

She was calm, grabbed my hand, and we raced out of the water, across the sand, up the stairs, and into the cold air conditioning of the condo.

My mom disappeared into the kitchen and started rummaging through the pantry and cabinets, looking for something (I had no idea what it was she was looking for).

Meanwhile, I was laying on an itchy couch, moaning and flailing about, convinced my skin was melting off.

The next part is a little fuzzy in my memory.

I can’t recall whether my mom found what she was looking for right away or if I had passed out on the couch while she ran to the store, regaining consciousness when she returned.

The next thing I remember was the cure that made the pain stop.

It was Meat Tenderizer!

That nasty smelling combination of salt and spices did the trick that day and put out the fire so my skin could cool.

Later that evening, our family took a walk on the beach around sunset. There were hundreds of jellyfish washed up on the shore, these semi-transparent blobs dotting the beach for as far as we could see.

I wanted to pick one up and fling it like a frisbee, but my mom stopped me. Even though the tentacles were gone, she pointed out, the jellyfish caps also contain the nematocysts, these microscopic venom-guns that fire on contact.

And you could still get stung!

Those guns were locked and loaded.

An autonomous, distributed weapons system.

Armed and dangerous, even after death. Incredible!

When I think about the first word, BE, two things come to mind:

1. My mom
2. Jellyfish

My mom believed that everyone is one-of-a-kind.

You are unique. You have a unique calling, something specific that only you can bring into this world.

She encouraged us to be ourselves.

And then jellyfish.

These fascinating creatures have some very specialized features, more than just the autonomous defense system.

For example, their bell shape design allows them to move through the water like a rocket. This is nearly effortless, making them the most energy efficient swimmers in the ocean.

But they don’t always move like that. Most of the time, they just drift around with the current.

Under the black lights at Moody Gardens Aquarium, in what looks like a room full of giant lava lamps, Hazel (my granddaughter) and I love to watch the jellyfish float around in their tall cylindrical tanks.

There are so many different species on display.

Each tank has tens or hundreds of jellyfish of the same species.

And as you look closer, every single one is slightly different.

Unique. Individual. Specialized.

We’re all a little bit like jellyfish.

Sometimes wandering aimlessly, forgetting that each one of us has a unique, specialized design. Our super-power.

When we lean into and leverage that super-power, that’s when we become unstoppable.

One vast ocean. Infinite possibilities.